he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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