I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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