Moan for me like Helen Keller
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
