Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
