Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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