what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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