Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
