Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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