Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Randomize
