when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
