Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
