It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize