I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
