Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
