I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
