I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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