He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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