So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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