he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
Ladies don't puke and tell
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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