Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
