he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
