New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
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