My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Randomize
