did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Randomize
