Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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