it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
