well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You should frame my arrest warrant.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
