she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
