you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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