I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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