Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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