upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
