I'm so fucking centered right now
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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