Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
