20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just high enough for therapy.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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