I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.