he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.