hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
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And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
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i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.