So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I am one with the molecules
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize
