Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month