Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw