My liver just broke up with me...
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
