no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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