I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
