I am in a vortex of obligation.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
