he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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