to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
