4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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