Buhtt sex?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
