I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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