I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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