i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
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