I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
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