My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
