I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."