He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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