I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
