You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
