Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
