at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
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