You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
