I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize