You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Did you just see the Batmobile???
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
