I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
