I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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