Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
