hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
