she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
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Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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